I'm about to redefine the term "Facebook Profile".
Not those pages we so painstakingly compile that brings together the best of our photos, the movies we love, our interests and talents. I'm talking about "profile" as a verb, as in the targeted advertising the Facebook decides will interest each user.
Many of you probably ignore it completely. After all, that's not why you are there. You want to know about the latest iPhone app your techie friend recommends or to see see pictures of your adolescent niece's weekend drinking binge. But, believe me... the ads are there... lurking, judging, pretending they "know you".
What does Facebook think of me?
Well, currently, they think I might be interested in a Hot Pink Macbook Air from Chooseyourcolor.com. It could be mine, FREE, if I agree to let them use my personal information in any way they choose. In this case, I declare Facebook to be half right. I'd absolutely LOVE a Hot Pink Macbook Air, however, they were wrong in thinking that I'm a complete moron.
They also think I might want some coupon deals from a guy named, Brad. Maybe.
I frequently get ads for "Moms Go Back to School!" They obviously don't check the profile closely enough to see that I have my degree. Or maybe they think I want to get my Masters Degree. Even if I did, I don't think an ad featuring a sexy, windblown avatar with glasses is going to do the trick.
I particularly love when they surface ads for "The Flat Belly" diet and "Anti-Aging Cream". Brilliant. Women in their 30's just love being called fat and old. It's our favorite. You'd think with advanced technology they could analyze your photos and do a better job of targeted advertising. The ad should say, "Even though you're 34, you don't look a day over 24. Keep it that way by using this cream." Simple. Butter me up. I'd click that ad in a hot second!
Why do they think all moms want to sell AVON?
I love the one that reads: "ATTENTION MOMMY BLOGGERS." Okay, I'm a mommy blogger, I'm listening. "ARE YOU BUYING OR SELLING A HOME?..." Ah, I see! The old bait and switch! Get my attention then give me a real estate pitch. Who thought that would work?
There's one about "Coping With Diabetes". Come on! I know I like my chocolate but let's not jump to conclusions here!
Occasionally, the ads are spot on. They surface ads of pretty shoes. Wine and chocolate. Shiny jewelry. Unique clothing stores. I've clicked a few times.
But most of the time, I just I feel insulted. I feel like they've got me labeled in a database as "Overweight, Undereducated, Aging Mother who's interests include Blogging, Belly Dancing and Parenting."
There may be some truth in there but it's not something I plan on slapping on a T-Shirt any time soon.
Bite me, Facebook.