Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mysteries Abound

I'm not the most observant person in the world, it's true, but there are certain things that I pick up while walking around this kooky marble we call Earth that really make me stop and scratch my head. I think, back in the day, C&C Music Factory called it "Things That Make You Go Hmmmm."

There are always those little things that I see that I can't quite figure out the series of events leading up to what I am witnessing. Imponderables, if you will.

Earlier today, I visited the ladies room. As I went to enter a stall, I couldn't help but notice, there was a huge mass of toilet paper hanging from the flush handle into the bowl, but suspended above the water level. I don't know how to describe this large wad other than a hastily constructed beehive of toilet tissue or maybe a ill-conceived pinata. Good Lord, I hope there was nothing inside of it! I should clarify. I wasn't USED toilet tissue left behind by the regular occurrences in the loo. It was unused. It was almost as though the person in question was attacked by the roll and when they were able to free themselves from the entanglement of the malicious TP, crumpled it up and recklessly threw it at the potty in their rush to escape, leaving it suspended over the bowl. What? Do you have a better theory? It was one of those rare times I wished I had a camera in the little girl's room with me. Although, using the restroom in my office building is often an adventure so I ought to know better than to enter camera-less.

A week ago I took my daughter to a kiddie party at a bowling alley. She had to use the facilities and being as germ-conscious as you can manage with an uncooperative 4-year-old, I reached for a NeatSeat -- one of those little paper rings to protect your tush from the invisible evils lurking on the toilet seat surface. Luckily I looked before I reached because someone had stuffed their underpants in there! What could have gone so horribly wrong that someone found the need to dispose of their clearly soiled underwear with such urgency that they couldn't throw it in the trash? Not to mention that they looked like they may have been men's briefs and we were in the ladies room. I didn't really get that close of a look.

I'm a naturally curious person. These things give me pause and I wish there were some way to unravel these mysteries, or explain why they keep happening in the bathroom. Any theories?!?

Another visit to the ladies room resulted in more confusion. As I was walking out, the garbage pail beside the door contained not ONE, not TWO but THREE open and partial consumed bags of snacks in different varieties. As far as I'm concerned, this begs two questions. One: Who is eating chips in the bathroom? Or anything for that matter? Gross. and Two: Considering each was only partially consumed, were none of them satisfactory? Apparently none were tasty enough to satisfy the discerning palette of one who chooses to snack in the bathroom.

This time I got a picture, however poor quality. I learned my lesson.

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