Sunday, December 27, 2009

Ask A Stupid Question...

I was trying on dresses to wear for the New Year's Eve party extravaganza that we are hosting. I turned to my husband and asked, "How's my neckline in this dress?" He, in turn, raises his eyebrows... cue the wolf-whistle and cartoon like eye-pop. It was a fashion question. I wasn't asking if he liked boobs. But, hey, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

But it gave me a great idea for a website, although I don't know how to implement it. I imagine a website where women from all over the world can upload pics and ask for fashion advice. Yes, I know this exists already but MY site would be different. Because seriously, we want honest advice from other women, or gay men only.

This is where it get's complicated.

I'd have to have a way to gender authenticate. Like an estrogen meter but then that's a whole hardware component you'd have to buy. Or maybe I can ask really specific questions about menstruation or child birth. The male OB / GYN's would slip through that security and those women who've never experienced the sheer joy (ha!) of child birth would be excluded. Or maybe it can be a combination of questions about the female reproductive cycle, Desperate Housewives, shoes and Twilight. Although I might fail the Twilight questions myself.

We'd also want to let the gay men in because, seriously, who better to give you fashion advice than a guy who can look past your boobs and actually observe what you are wearing. But how to do that? Some detailed questions about Judy Garland and show tunes?

There's one other flaw in my plan. I did says HONEST advice, didn't I? How do I weed out the caddy chicks who would say "OMG! You looks so totally amazing!" when, in fact, you look like a fat, stupid, cross-eyed tranny. You'd think that they'd be honest, because they are strangers. It's not like they'd be going to the same place as you are and they want you to look fat and stupid so that they look better by comparison. However, I think there are still some women, no matter what, who will want you to go out with your dress tucked into the back of your pantyhose. So, how to weed out caddy bitches? Maybe have them rate a series of "seed" pictures and see if they say all the train-wrecks look "beautiful" and if all the super-models are "okay, if you like that sort of thing."

Alright, my idea needs work. I'm just saying, it'd be nice to have. When I need fashion advice, my only nearby options are my kids who always think mommy looks beautiful, which, though very sweet, isn't helpful. They tell me they "like my hat" when I come out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head. My other option is my husband, and I already told you how that story goes.

See you in 2010, everyone!!!!

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