Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Is "iPad" The Best Name They Could Come Up With?

The Apple Tablet has caused quite a bit of hubbub.  Both prior to it's proven existence, (Does it exist?  Will it have 3G?  Does it do windows --- ha, get it!? --- Will it make all my dreams come true?) and now that we know it does exist (Why no camera?  Does it have a microphone?  Will it kill the Kindle?).  But a question that's not getting as much web-time as the rest is "Was the iPad really the best name choice?"

Why not?

Well the first and most obvious reason is that it's a mere one letter away from iPod.  Not even a letter, just the little tail you add to an "o" to make it an "a".  One fat-finger into the inventory control system and someone's going to get a whole truckload of the wrong item.

Then there's Mad TV's 2006 spoof on the name iPad (yup, 4-years BEFORE the creation of the iPad) in which they imagine an electronic device to handle all your... ahem... feminine needs.

So, if not "iPad", then what should they have called this super-sized iPod Touch?

My first choice would be "iBoard" because that's what my 3-year-old has been calling my Touch for the past year and I think it's hilarious.  "iBook"'s been done. " iSlate"?  "iTablet"?  None of them are all that exciting.

They could have gone with some of the more obvious and appropriate names, such as "iWouldBeALotCoolerIfICouldRunBackgroundApps" or "iCan'tBelieveIStillDon'tSupportFlash" or, my personal favorite, "iCould'veHadACameraButIDon'tSoAppleCanPutOneInTheNextGen".

However, even with its short-comings, it is still a pretty slick device.  Therefore they could have named it "iAmJustCheapEnoughToMakeItWorthwhile" or "iAmTheFirstDeviceThatSupportsDataOnlyPlansStartingAt15Bucks".

Call it what you want,  I can't help but think of it as the "iReallyWantOneBad".

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

People Don't Kill People, Technology Kills People

I don't know how to cope with the world as it is. Micro-blogging kills. Technological advances in cinema drive people to the brink of suicide. Vampire fantasies have made it so that women can't possibly be satisfied with mere mortals as companions. It's getting so that I don't feel safe to turn on my computer anymore, or go to the movies. Facebook notifications make me cower in fear. Text messages send me over the edge. I saw Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs and it was so very real to me, I'm afraid we might never live in a world where there are jello castles and spaghetti falls from the sky. Frankly, that's just not a world I want to be a part of.  I'm too much of a wuss to commit suicide so I think I'm going to go @reply some borderline psychotic incessantly until they put my boring, normal-precipitation-filled, Edward-less existence to a timely end.

Seriously, people! Your reality check is in! Get a grip on it!

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to catch up on current affairs. I am talking about Twitter being blamed for a recent NYC murder. Of course, it was Twitter's fault!!! Before Twitter two men would've actually had to argue face-to-face over a women and we all know that type of thing has historically NEVER ended in bloodshed! It couldn't possibly be that the a**hole responsible has no regard for human life. Twitter pulled the trigger. Absolutely.

I'm also talking about the people who get so caught up in fantasy that they can't continue with their normal lives. CNN wrote about an Avatar forum where people (not PERSON, people, as in 'more than one') are expressing their extreme depression and sense of loss that the fantasy world of Pandora isn't real and never will be. Some are having suicidal thoughts because their world is so ordinary. Is there some kind of fund I can donate to in order to get them the help they need? Help to end it all that is. This is the new "natural selection". Maybe we should call it "technological selection".

Similarly, there's the Twilight phenomenon. I read the first book. It made for half-decent light reading. I couldn't sit through the awful shallow acting in the first movie and didn't attempt the second.   However, scores of girls (and sadly, women) relate so strongly to the characters in this series that they compare their real-life relationships. Just Google "post-twilight depression" or "why can't you be more like Edward Cullen" and marvel at the sheer nuttiness. Not only is it crazy with a capital "C" to compare your boyfriend with a FICTIONAL VAMPIRE (I shouldn't have to use the word FICTIONAL because VAMPIRES ARE FICTIONAL. IT'S IMPLIED!!!!) but even if Edward were real, he'd be a terrible boyfriend. He's emotionally stagnant, enigmatic and borderline abusive. If you ladies want a man like that you should have no trouble finding one. Happy trails.  (By writing this I have probably lost 6 - 12 of my female friends / readers.  I hope they can forgive me.)

I feel for the innovators. They shouldn't have to worry that someone might use their tool as a vehicle for bad blood or be afraid to create a cinematic experience that might be "too real" for some people to handle. Like I said before "survival of the fittest". If you can't take the technology, get out of the way. If you can't separate fact from fiction, you've got bigger problems than you think.

In the meantime, don't worry about me. I'll find a way to cope with reality as it is.  My husband will never be a 10-foot tall blue warrior with an Australian accent.  The flowers in my garden will never glow iridescent blue and I'll just have to get my next gigantic ice cream sundae from an ice cream shop instead of waiting for it to fall from the sky. Sigh. Reality bites.