Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Invisible Rapture: Your Soul Has Been Poked

Harold Camping recently predicted that the world would experience Judgement Day on May 21st.   His claim was that 200 million people (roughly 3% of the world's population) would be raptured, which means to be transported from one sphere of existence to another.  The rest of us be damned... literally.

Now, I don't know what you were doing on Saturday, May 21st but I was sitting in a lounge chair on my deck, enjoying a particularly sunny and beautiful day and a tasty beverage as I watched my kids play.   As far as I could tell, there was no rapture to speak of.  I even heard some late breaking reports of rainbows, but maybe those were appearing over the chosen ones.

From the get-go, Harold's prophecy included reports that the world would end on October 21st but it was implied that the righteous would have been scooped up by the Lord in May and the rest of us heathens would be left for five months behind to contemplate our impending doom.

May 21st came and went and the world is not less 3% religious extremists.  How do I know for sure?  Well, Harold is still among us and I imagine he would've been one of the very first to be grabbed up by God.   Considering, he and his followers are still chillin' with the sinners, he found himself with a lot of 'splainin to do.

Here is his explanation (Washington Post):
In a special broadcast Monday night on his radio program Open Forum that his predicted May 21, 2011 Rapture was “an invisible judgment day“ that he has come to understand as a spiritual, rather than physical event.
“We had all of our dates correct,” Camping insisted, clarifying that he now understands that Christ’s May 21 arrival was “a spiritual coming” ushering in the last five months before the final judgment and destruction. 
In an hour and a half broadcast, Camping walked listeners through his numerological timeline, insisting that his teaching has not changed and that the world will still end on October 21, 2011. 
“It wont be spiritual on October 21st,” Camping said, adding, “the world is going to be destroyed all together, but it will be very quick.”
In essence, what he is saying here is "Ooops, my bad!  Did I say the rapture would actually HAPPEN on May 21st?!  I meant God would tag everyone he wants to enrapture later.  You can't actually SEE it."

It was an invisible rapture.  Spiritual in nature, apparently.   God took a look-see at the people of the world and marked the souls he wants to save for later.  It's like some bizarre, ethereal gift-registry.  Do you think he went around with a scanner?  Do our souls have bar-codes?

Maybe it's like Facebook.  He poked his favorite souls.   Funny, I didn't feel my soul being poked.  You would think that would be a noticeable event.

Unless, I wasn't among the chosen!  Oh no.  My wicked ways will be my undoing come October!

Oh well.  I guess I better make the most of the end of days.  Martinis, anyone?

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