Friday, September 6, 2013

Why I Don't Lie About My Age...

Age is just a number, right?  Then why do women lie about their age. I am constantly joking about turning 29 again but, in reality, I don't care much.

I love my birthday!  How many days a year are all about you?  For me it's just this one and Mother's day and Mother's day I gladly share with my mom and the various other special "moms" in my life.

My birthday is all me, baby.  I buy myself clothes.  I bake myself EPIC cupcakes.  People say "You shouldn't have to bake your own cupcakes."  It's not sad.  I want to.  It's fun.  I always try to come up with some crazy delicious flavor I've never tried before.

This year it was Vanilla Orange Cupcakes with Chocolate Ganache Filling, Cocoa Orange Buttercream and Orange CuraƧao Syrup! Super yummy.  I already had one for breakfast and I plan to have one this afternoon.   Hell, it's my birthday!  I'll eat cupcakes all day if I want!

I don't lie about my age. I know you've all heard this before but age is just a number.  All that matters is how old you feel.

  • When I draw and color with my son, I'm 7 years old.
  • When I play dolls with my daughter, I'm 8.
  • When I look at my kids' baby pictures, I'm back in my early 30s when they were tiny.
  • When I give my brother advice, or ask him to give me some, we're back in the Bronx sharing a room.
  • When I recently phoned my childhood friend while she was in the hospital, I was instantly transported back to 8th grade when I talked to her on the phone while she was in the hospital back then.
  • When I go out drinking with my friends (rarely, but it happens), I'm 27. Twenty-seven, by the way, is the perfect age for this activity because that means I am of legal drinking age but smart enough to know how not to make myself sick.
  • When I hear about my daughter getting picked on in school, I feel like going to school and giving the little brat a swirly, which would make me about 12 years old or so.  I'll try to refrain from doing that.

Admittedly, sometimes I feel older than I actually am.

  • When I had a few minor surgeries.
  • When a doctor visit results in "Yeah, we're going to want to check that out."
  • When my muscles are achy from "over-exerting myself" which is something old people say after they've done any sort of physical activity.
  • When I say things like "when I was your age".
But mostly I feel younger than my 39 years, and that's what really matters.  I'll never lie about my age.

Of course, if someone ever mistakes me for older than I am,  I'll lose it and go into a crazy, chocolate and wine fueled depression spiral but that's to be expected.

I'll enjoy my birthday, and you should all enjoy yours when it's your turn!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Another Office Mod Featuring The Oatmeal

Because I suck, I spilled crazy glue on my desk quite some time ago.  I've tried a multitude of things to remove it and, yet, there's still an ugly, lumpy spot of dried up glue on my desk.  Plus I wore away much of the finish around the ugly, lumpy spot.

The worst part is, the ugly spot is precisely where I like to keep my cup of coffee and, seeing as how it is also lumpy, it makes it so that my cup doesn't sit level on the desk.   This is otherwise, the perfect spot for my coffee.  It is just to the north and left of my keyboard so that I can happily chug my caffeine with my left hand whilst continuing to point, click and otherwise appear hard at work.

In hindsight, I wish I'd taken a picture of the ugly, lumpy spot before covering it up, but my camouflage solution was so brilliantly simple and elegant that I just couldn't wait to implement.
You may recall my post about modding your Oatmeal poster to be office appropriate.

This time, with the help of The Oatmeal's timeless artwork, a teensy bit of Photoshopping, my printer and some clear contact paper, I was able to create a semi-permanent coffee coaster.

Behold the coaster in all of it's glory!

And here it is, doing its job!
As you can see, I chose Phase 2 of The 5 Phases of Caffeine Intake instead of the infinitely more popular Phase 3.

The High

The reasons I chose Phase 2 were (1.) That is my favorite phase of Caffeine Intake (2.)  The coffee is clearly depicted in it and (3.) I'm a sucker for an underdog.

I am very happy with my solution.  It doesn't make the spot any less lumpy but at least it's no longer ugly!

Thanks, The Oatmeal!!!!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Celebrate Valentine's Day... Or Any Holiday

I've noticed a big move towards people shunning holidays, like Christmas and Valentine's Day. They don't want "society" to dictate when they show love or appreciation for others. They don't want to bend to social norms or add to the consumerist nature of our culture. Fair point. But I think there's another way to look at it. I apologize for not posting this before Valentine's Day, but it was really the extraordinarily lovely at-home Valentine's Day that I just had that lead me to this epiphany.

Everyone who shuns traditional holidays always says that we should show love EVERY DAY or WHENEVER we want. Why do we have to show it on a mandated day? True, and maybe those people do show their love all the time. Maybe those people exist in a real-life romantic comedy where their significant other slips the office janitor $50 to sneak into their loved one's office and spell out "I Love You" on the wall in Post-It notes. I'm happy for them, but for most of us mere mortals, that doesn't happen. We are busy. We have jobs, families, obligations and, well, just life, that gets in the way of planning grand romantic gestures on a random Tuesday.

Sure, most of us show our appreciation in small ways every day like opening a beer for one's spouse when putting out dinner, fixing their coffee the way the like or changing a diaper without being asked. That's the stuff that builds the foundation of a solid relationship and we should all be doing that all the time. But, the extra-special as a tendency to fall to the wayside over time. It's nobody's fault. We are human. But Valentine's Day, or any holiday for that matter, is a reminder to take the time-out to make someone feel special and loved in ways we don't every day. It's easy to say that your wife /girlfriend / husband / boyfriend knows you love them and doesn't care about that sort of thing, but, humans are anxious, insecure individuals and, believe me when I say that neglect has a way of creeping up on people and filling them with doubt and resentment.

This is not an attack on men. Or maybe it is, but if it is, it's as much an attack on women. We gals need to go the extra mile too. Make his favorite dessert. Wear his favorite dress. Do that thing that you never let him do. And, most of all, if he is making an effort to woo you or make you feel special, for the sake of love and women everywhere APPRECIATE THE EFFORT! We can not hold our loved ones to some ridiculous, unreachable standard that is impossible to meet. Don't say:

  • "These aren't roses." to the husband who buys you Tulips.
  • "This ring isn't my style. Did you keep the receipt?" to the boyfriend who made sure to get the right size and knows your birthstone.
  • "What do you mean you didn't make reservations?" to the guy who spends hours shopping and preparing your favorite meal

If you are THAT girl, you know who you are and YOU SUCK! You ruin it for the rest of us. You make men HATE Valentine's Day and stop trying. You're not raising the bar, your building a wall.

With that, I remind guys to put in a decent effort. Your gesture need be thoughtful, not expensive - unless you're with THAT girl, in which case, you are screwed no matter what you do. But if your woman is kind and reasonable, then know her favorite flower, her favorite meal, what size shoes she wears. Or, don't buy her anything. Write her a poem. Build her that craft table you know she wants. Frame artwork from the kids. In other words, listen to your heart, it knows what to do.

In short, take time to celebrate! Life doesn't give us enough reasons to celebrate so if the world has decided that February 14th is a day to eat lobster, crack open a bottle of champagne and do that thing we don't usually do, then, what the hell, we are going for it! It's as good as any random Tuesday.