Friday, December 12, 2014

Lalaloopsy Size Up

I really have to hand it to the people at MGA. They keep coming out with new and innovative ways for me to waste money on Lalaoopsy Dolls.

The sizes and varieties are endless.

I was browsing today for NO REASON because I do not need to buy ANYTHING ELSE for the holidays, and I stumbled upon a breed of loopsy I hadn't seen before.

Lalaloopsy Newborns.

No, not the disgusting babies that poop charms. Ewww, my daughter did NOT put one of those on her list for Santa and who cam blame her. Gross.

"Look mommy! My dolly crapped this out and I made a necklace!"

No, these are Lalaloopsy Newborns. Little palm sized babies.

I can't even stand how cute they are.

I can't let my daughter see these! She already wants Lalaloopsy Girls and Tinies for Christmas.

Then I got to thinking about how many SIZES these dolls come in. From the 1.5" tinies to the full sized 15.6" originals and a slew in between. Wow!

I wanted to see how they measured up to each other so I put together the following line-up that I hope you will find helpful.

Click to enlarge and see measurements

Please note, the measurements are approximate and don't take into consideration the measurements of those God-forsaken little pets and accessories.

Happy shopping!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Be Thankful

A nor'easter on the day before Thanksgiving. Oh no! Imagine the luck. I know it's awful for those who have to travel. I'm glad that I don't but, in general, I try to make it a practice of keeping things in perspective.

Here in the hudson valley, we're experiencing power outages due to heavy wet snow so, certainly, the timing isn't fantastic, but there are just a few things I'm keeping in mind.

  • The power is out.
  • I'm thankful that I have access to the modern conveniences.

  • I can't get the cooking done on time.
  • I'm thankful I have plenty of food to eat.

  • I'm snowed in and can't finish grocery shopping.
  • I'm fortunate to be able to readily buy goods and drive wherever I need to.

  • I'm cooped up with the kids.
  • I'm so happy to have a family I love.

  • It's cold.
  • I'm so lucky to have a roof over my head and clothes to warm my body.

  • I won't have time to clean my house before guests arrive.
  • Nobody cares. Not everyone has a home.

  • The internet and cable are out.
  • Seriously!?!?! (And if you're reading this, you probably have 4G anyway)

  • I hope everyone can make it because of the snow.
  • It's nice to spend holiday with family, but it's even nicer to have everyone you love safe and sound.

Let's remember the luck we have, not just at Thanksgiving, but all year round. Even if you've had better years, if you're reading this, you're one of the lucky ones. It's easy to b*tch and moan. It's a lot harder to count your blessings ever day, but, trust me, it's much more satisfying.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Who is Dave Jeffords?

One of the weirdest things ever just happened to me.
I was sitting at work and got the following text....

Dave Jeffords: Do you have any poster paper?
Totally normal text, right?

No biggie, right? Just a wrong number.


Was this like one of those movies where I have to unravel the clues and it turns out I'm missing a year of my life or I'm not who I think I am?

First thing I did was click details...

Yup. There he was, right in my contacts and, wait... is that a f*cking goat?!?!

Dave Jeffords? Is that you?

Yup. Not only is it a goat. It's a goat wearing a hat.

The next thing I did was see where the message ended up. It was connected to a thread from someone I actually know. It's a woman and her name isn't Dave Jeffords. I began to wonder if there was more to her than meets the eye.

So, I texted back "Who is this?"

She responded. It was, in fact, the person I expected to find on the other end of the text. It was not Dave Jeffords, unless, of course, Dave Jeffords had kidnapped her and was using her phone. However, if that were the case, why would he change the contact name to his own and start texting her friends... to see if they had POSTER BOARD no less?!  No, no, no. That couldn't be it.

I sent her a screen capture and typed "I thought it was you but this is who my phone thinks you are."
She could offer no further clues about the identity of Dave Jeffords.

I did what any normal person would do and looked him up on Facebook.
Yup. There he was, goat and all.
Lives clear across the United States from me. 

I searched my email. Had I ever corresponded with Mr. Dave Jeffords? I was just grasping at straw as to how my phone could think this young lady was a dude over 2,000 miles away.

No emails.

Did we have any mutual friends on Facebook?

Were we in the same industry? 

No connection I could find.

I use a third-party app to sync my Facebook contacts with my phone contacts called Sync.ME and I'm suspicious that is where things went wrong but I can't be sure.

I checked all my other contacts and everyone appears as they should be. No gender changes or dashingly accessorized farm animals.

I don't have any answers. I'm going to send this to Dave Jeffords and see if he does but I'm sure he's moving merrily along with his life, not having any idea that he was allegedly texting me for poster board. Maybe I'll get a new friend out of it.

I hope you enjoyed one of the randomest things to ever happen to me as much as I did.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Siri is a Ginormous Turd

There are likely one-hundred or more funnier / stupider / more annoying things Siri does that I could write about but, this one really bugged me.

Today was my kiddos' first day of a week-long Harry Potter Camp at a local community college.  I hope they're having fun, because, honestly, I think my kids were having visions of Hogwarts dancing in their heads and I dropped them off in an unadorned college classroom at 9 AM this morning. However, that's besides the point.

The point is, my morning routine was disrupted. I usually have my first cup o' joe when I get to work at 8:30 so my husband only makes enough for himself at home. I didn't think to tell him to make more for me today as I'd be leaving later than usual.

I rounded up my little witch and wizard, figuring I'd find a Dunkin' Donuts on the way. I know where a few of them are but wasn't 100% sure if there was one on the route.

Instead of asking Siri, I decided if I passed one, I'd stop. If I didn't it could wait until after I dropped off the magical munchkins.

Once I got to "Hogwarts of Poughkeepsie",  I had to fill out a missing form, then had to have the kids reassigned because they accidentally had them in the wrong age group. By the time I was back at my car, the coffee jones was kicking in big time so I asked Siri a question he/she/it must get all the time.

"Is there a Dunkin' Donuts near me?"

I mean, seriously, "American runs on Dunkin'" after all.  This question has got to be as common as "What's the weather today?" or "Do I have any new messages?"

In response to my very simple question, Siri began, "JT, I found one Dunkin' Donuts..."


Let me stop right there before I proceed with the rest of the stupid answer.  "ONE DUNKIN' DONUTS??!?!"  When is the answer ever ONE Dunkin' Donuts. As in single. As in unique. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a DD!

Maybe it was the lack of coffee but, I felt the urge to kill rising before she/he/it even finished the sentence.

"JT, I found one Dunkin' Donuts quite far from you..."

Do you get this from Siri a lot?

I find it/she/he uses "quite far" if there's a different name for the hamlet or neighborhood designation. For example, if something is actually IN POUGHKEEPSIE but the address says ARLINGTON (which is part of Poughkeepsie), the response is "quite far". Dummy.

"It's 15.6 miles away in Kingston, NY. Is that the one you want?"

Oh, Siri! You know me so well! That's exactly what I wanted!
I would've been delighted to choose the Dunkin' Donuts that was 15.6 miles away, according to you, which according to every map, including your own, is actually 22 miles away. Perhaps you were suggesting I actually drive IN the Hudson River!
I would have certainly loved to drive past my own home, across a toll bridge, to Kingston, NY to get a large coffee with milk, only to come all the way back to Poughkeepsie to go to work. Yup. That seemed like the best idea to my caffeine deprived brain at 9:13 AM.
Or, I could have just gone to ANY ONE OF THE DOZEN OTHER DDs in the Poughkeepsie area! I just wanted a cup of coffee, dammit!!!!


But, what's more insane is I keep trying to use this technology thinking that it's got to be better next time, right? Wrong.

Maybe this is one of those things that Apple purposefully designs to perform extremely poorly so that when it finally works well we are just so relieved and grateful the torture has ended.

This really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
I should probably break-up with Apple.

Who am I kidding?  Apple's going to give me a shiny new iOS next month and all will be forgiven.

Oh, and I didn't get any coffee until I got to work.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Audible Underwire

I think this one can be filed under "B" for "Busty Girl Problems". Or, maybe not. I haven't done a proper poll of women cup size A through L to see if this is a universal issue. I'll put that on my to do list but, in the mean time, I'll tell you about my experience.

I recently deviated from my strict rule of purchasing the same brand of bra. Call it temporary insanity. Call it shopping induced amnesia. I often think that Zulily has some kind of magical power over me. Everything looks so pretty. The app is easy to use and nice looking. I can check out with Bill Me Later via PayPal (and "Later" seem so very far in the future when it comes to pretty things in my shopping cart). But alas, somehow, some way, I found myself looking at an order confirmation from Zulily with regards to a bra that I had no recollection of purchasing. See! Shopping amnesia.

In any event, apparently I order a Dr. Rey bra.  Honestly, now that I've typed it I have a vague recollection of reading reviews before making the purchase and the reviews were favorable. As I waited patiently for this mystery purchase to make its way to my door (and if you've shopped Zulily*, they're no Amazon), I pondered the consequences of my rouge brassiere purchase. Would it fit?  Zulily doesn't do returns so I'd be stuck with it. Would it be supportive, like an old friend? Would it make me look better than I am, also, like an old friend? Only time would tell.

My package arrived.  I usually ship to my office so I had to resist the urge to tear into it and rush to try it on. I can't imagine explaining myself to the female colleagues I might've encountered in the bathroom, though, most of them, would not be surprised in the least.

In any event, I waited until I got home to open the package. Sh*t!  It looked effing HUGE! I tried it on. Double sh*t!  It fit! Which is good but that means that the freakin' ENOURMOUS bra I took out of the package actually FIT me which must mean my perception is WAY the hell off! Its just that it looked a lot 'beefier', for lack of a better word, than my other bras. Beefier. Yup! That's what I look for in a bra! Nothing says sexy like 'BEEFINESS'. Sigh. I guess it's because it's some kind of a shapewear thingy so it's not as bad as all that.

Ginorumousness aside, it looked good. It claimed to lift. It lifted. It claimed to minimize. I don't know about that, but I'm really dealing with a full house here so minimizing is a very tall order. I don't expect miracles. I put a shirt on. It looked good under clothing which, as any woman can tell you, is NOT a given. Sometimes it makes them look pointy or you can see the outline of the bra, or they just make your breasts look generally... odd. Not the case. All was well with my rogue Dr. Rey purchase until...

"What the hell was that?"  I shifted on my feet. 
"Was that my bra?" I lifted my arms to investigate.  

I've had this happen before, typically with bras that I've had for a long time. They get worn out, and the underwire starts groaning under the pressure like "Oh God!  Haven't I done enough? I simply can't do this anymore. Make the pain stop!" I usually put the poor thing out of its misery.

However, I've never experienced this with a new bra! In the back of my mind, I always wonder how loud it is. I keep meaning to ask one of my girlfriends if they can hear it, but the time is never right. I imagine it's akin to eating a bag of chips in a quiet room, it sounds SO LOUD inside your head but is barely audible to everyone else. At least, I hope that's how it is.

Maybe that's how it slips past the quality control in the offices of Dr. Rey and his cronies. The wearer can hear it, but everyone else is like "What the hell are you talking about?"

Or maybe it's a feature! Maybe the SOUND is how you know it's working! I can envision the commercial now.
"Choose Dr. Rey Shapewear. Support you can HEAR!"
Whether it's meant to be there or not I've got say it hurts my feelings a bit. Hearing sounds coming from my underwire makes me think of a bridge groaning under the weight of a semi. I really should ask women of all shapes and sizes if they have experienced "Audible Underwire" too. It might make me feel better.

Have you tried Dr. Rey Shapewear, shopped Zulily or experienced 'Audible Underwire'?  If so, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you!

Stay supported my friends!

*I mean NO disrespect to Zulily. They've been good, no GREAT, to me, and I totally get that the manufacturer ships to them and then they ship to me so I just make sure I'm not ordering anything I need quickly.  Considering it's mostly impulse shopping, I rarely need any of it quickly, if I NEED it at all!