I Don't Get Carded Anymore and That's Great!

I don't get get carded anymore. Even though I'm told I have a baby-face (mostly by my biased parents) I haven't gotten carded in a long time. It used to bother me, the same way it used to bother me when someone called me "Ma'am" instead of "Miss".

I work on a college campus and it's been about 5 years since anyone has confused me for a student or intern and, even then, it didn't happen often.

I used to wish it did. I don't anymore, just like I don't hope to get carded anymore. At age 40.75, I think I've finally figured something out.

The reason I don't get carded or mistaken for a student, isn't because I look old. At least, I don't think I look old. Not as though 40 is old, anyway. I look good for my age.

I dress my age. By that, I don't mean I wear elastic waist pants, matching twinsets and penny loafers. I consider myself extremely stylish, but not trendy. I take pride in my appearance, because I want to, not because I'm trying to be something I'm not. Today, as I rock my blue color block dress and t-strap heels, I know that "stylishness" isn't just for the twenty-somethings.

I know how to wear makeup. Just the right amount. I've had decades of practice by now.

I don't have "mom" hair. As a matter of fact, I love color and change my color often. Currently, my hair is auburn and purple. It's not purple in a way that says "I'm trying to find myself." It's purple in a way that says "I know exactly who I am and who I am likes having purple hair."

So with my purple hair and stylish clothes, why don't I get carded?

About six-years ago on the college campus where I work, I was talking with two female students and a male colleague, a few years my junior. He had frequently been mistaken for a student where I was rarely, even at the tender age of 34. He argued that I could easily be confused with a student. Flattery will get you everywhere! During this conversation, the two female students mistook him for a classmate. I eyed him wryly and said "You see." and he asked the girls if they thought I was a student as well. They promptly replied "No." then added, because she doesn't seem like a student. She just seems more mature." Well said, ladies.

This is why I don't get carded.

• Because I order a drink with confidence no twenty-something can fake.
• Because I make myself known in the workplace in a way that took me a decade to be able to do.
• Because I don't know everything. When I was in my twenties I thought I did. Now, I know I don't but WHAT I DO KNOW, I know well.
• Because I know what I'm good at and what I'm not.
• Because I'm mature enough to know that I need to learn and grow.
• Because I know growth is a good thing.
• Because I know what I want and I'm not afraid to go for it.

So, don't card me. Call me ma'am. I don't care anymore! Because 40-something is a state of mind. A state of being. A unique confidence that was elusive to me in my twenties.

My forties. I'm finally starting to see what all the fuss is about.

Bring it on.

Super Nerdy Amazon Alexa To Google Calendar Hack and My Wish-list For Amazon

I like my Amazon Echo. Note the use of the word LIKE not LOVE. I feel it was worth the "$99 Prime" price I paid for it but certainly not the $199 "Rest of You Heathens" price. The truth is, I can imagine the potential for greatness and that gets the nerd in me all kinds of jazzed.

I had a big geeky "O" the moment they announced integration with IFTTT. If you aren't familiar, IFTTT is a super cool logic connecter for many of the web apps you love. Stands for "IF This Then That". I use it to do loads of neat things like back up iOS photos to a Google Drive folder, add Foursquare check-ins to my calendar, etc.

Imagine my excitement when I thought I could use it to get some more out of little Alexa here!

Alas, the integration is lackluster, so far. It can send a notification to my iPhone when an item is added to my To-Do list, which is not all that useful as I am primarily the person adding items and I know I added an item and, therefore, don't need a notification to tell me that. It can push To-Do's and Shopping List items to other To-Do applications like Todoist, Wunderlist or Remember The Milk which can be nice, especially if you are already in love with those other list apps.

But I was really longing for to have Alexa add items to my calendar with DATE, TIME and LOCATION set.

I have successfully accomplished this with a complex daisy-chain of tools working together. I'm happy to share my hack with you but, be fore-warned, it ain't pretty!

You will need:

1. Amazon Echo (Duh!)
2. IFTTT account
3. Zapier account
4. Google account (Seriously, it's GOOGLE. I'm not linking to it for you!)
5. Patience
6. Some level of technical expertise
7. A good sense of humor

Step 1:

Login to your IFTTT account and create the following recipe. You will need to be sure your Amazon Alexa and Google Drive channels are connected already, but I'm not going to tell you how to do that. Figure it out! This is that technical expertise I said you needed earlier.

Basically, you want IFTT to add a row to a spreadsheet of your choosing when you create a TO DO. At this point you might be wondering if you're going to end up with random calendar items that read things like "Buy Socks" and "Clean Toilet".  The answer is "No". That will be handled by a combination of Zapier and the way you phrase your request.

Step 2:

Create a spreadsheet in Google Drive in the exact same location with the exact same name as you told IFTTT to use. If it's not exact, wackiness will ensue and you'll need loads of that patience I mentioned earlier.

Step 3:

Login to your Zapier account and create the following zap. You will need to be sure your Google Sheets and Google Calendar Accounts are connected already. Again, this is your problem.

Create a Zap that triggers when a new spreadsheet row is added. The action will be to Quick Add a calendar event. Why Quick Add and not Detailed? Quick Add will parse the text and pick out the DATE, TIME and LOCATION, assuming you said it right and Alexa heard you right, which is, frankly, assuming a lot.

You are going to want to filter the Zaps so you don't end up with calendar events that say "Buy Socks" and "Clean Toilet". The filter should look for the text to contain the word "o'clock". Which mean you're going to have to remember to format your speech to Alexa. More on that later.

Here's what the filter looks like.

Important Note: If you skipped Step 2 and didn't create the spreadsheet already, shame on you. Zapier can't find it and you're going to have to start over creating your Zap. That's what you get for not following instructions.

Step 4:

Once your IFTTT recipe and your Zap are completed, you're ready to test drive your formulas. This is where you will require the patience and the sense of humor I spoke about.

You need to speak very carefully to Alexa to get this right. If you don't say exactly the right words, slowly and carefully, but not too slowly or she will think you are done before you are done, you will end up with a lot of non-sense like you see below. Remember that sense of humor I mentioned earlier? You'll need that now.

I guess MOVIES sounds a lot like BOOBIES

You must say your event in this format:

"Alexa, Add [event][full time format] at [location] to my To Do List"

RIGHT WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES SEVEN O'CLOCK PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."

WRONG WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES at SEVEN O'CLOCK PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."
  Your location will be seven o'clock PM and the event start time will be the time it was added to the calendar. 

WRONG WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES at SEVEN PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."
  Your zap won't trigger because it's looking for the word "o'clock". I tried to make it work with a. m. OR p. m. as the filter word but it just wasn't happening. Let me know if you make it work.

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An Open Letter To Amazon:

Seriously!?! That was a sh*t-ton of work to get something as basic as scheduling a calendar event to work with something that is meant to be a digital assistant. If a dork like me could rig this up, it should take about the same time as a Starbucks run for the crack team you've got to work it. So, while there at it, here's my the rest of my wish-list. Can I have this stuff?! PLEEEEAAASE! Pretty Please! I really LIKE (like not LOVE) Alexa and I want to LOVE her. I really, really do. You can do it! I believe it you.

My Wish-list for Amazon Echo: 

1. More than one timer.  Like FOR REALZ?!?!
2. More than one alarm. See above.
1. If she's not going to have more than one timer or alarm, she should at least tell me if she's canceling my previous one. Right now if one of my kids says,  "Alexa, set a timer for 20 minutes." because they're timing reading homework and my husband is comes in and says,"Alexa, set a timer for 10 minutes." because he needs to time what's on the grill, that digital slut just dumps the previous timer and sets the new one with no warning or concern for the previous person's needs.
3. Calendar Events so I don't have to do stuff like this anymore. 
4. Reminders that actually remind me to do stuff. I know I can set an alarm but then I have remember what Alexa is beeping about. And I know I can put it on my To Do list but then I have to remember to check my To Do list. I want to say "Alexa, remind me to take out the trash on Sunday at 8 PM" and then on Sunday, at 8 PM, I want her to say "JT, it's time to take out trash." not "Beep, Beep, Beep". Even the "Beep, Beep, Beep" assumes nobody else set an alarm between when I asked and Sunday at 8 PM (see above).
5.  iTunes Library Connection. I've spent a long time building this library and I want to use it and not just as a Bluetooth speaker.
6. Phone Calls. If my Kia can connect to my contacts, dial a number and act as a bluetooth mic and speaker, I'm sure Alexa could do it.
7. Alerts. Why can't she tell me if I get a text? One of the main reasons I wanted this is because once I'm home my phone is secondary. It's in my purse or on silent or in another room. It shouldn't be too difficult to say "JT, you have a text from your brother. It reads..."
8. Post To Facebook. How can I possibly survive the hour I'm cooking and eating dinner without telling the world that I'm having some nachos that are seriously Amaze-balls?! Okay, this is less important.

See Amazon. It's a tiny list of demands desires. Your guys and gals can bang this out over lunch, right? Just please don't make me purchase new hardware to do it. I mean, I'll probably do it, but I'll be pissed.

Foreboding Abound in BTVS

I am an epic Buffy Fan Girl. The show was always a favorite and has some of the most incredible writing ever. I'm in the middle of a binge. Not my first and won't be my last.

However, this binge got me thinking about the awesome foreboding in the show. The little hints dropped, minutes, episodes and even seasons ahead of something really cool to come.

I put together a collection of memes to illustrate some of my favorite moments of foreboding. Listen, uber-fans, don't attack me for missing a whole bunch. I know that I have. I know, alright!!! I hope to make additional posts some other time. I have other things to do, okay!?!?

I hope you enjoy my tiny contribution to the already extensive world of Buff-stuff on the interwebs.

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This is one of the coolest things about the show in my humble opinion. In the Season 4 episode "Amends", we are introduced to "The First" and his peeps, "The Bringers". 

We learn nothing else about "The First" until Season 7. Yes folks. Hint dropped in Season 4 and picked up again THREE. SEASONS. LATER. Fantastic! 

The First is the Big Bad that leads us to the epic series finale.

Why I Don't Lie About My Age...

Age is just a number, right?  Then why do women lie about their age. I am constantly joking about turning 29 again but, in reality, I don't care much.

I love my birthday!  How many days a year are all about you?  For me it's just this one and Mother's day and Mother's day I gladly share with my mom and the various other special "moms" in my life.

My birthday is all me, baby.  I buy myself clothes.  I bake myself EPIC cupcakes.  People say "You shouldn't have to bake your own cupcakes."  It's not sad.  I want to.  It's fun.  I always try to come up with some crazy delicious flavor I've never tried before.

This year it was Vanilla Orange Cupcakes with Chocolate Ganache Filling, Cocoa Orange Buttercream and Orange Curaçao Syrup! Super yummy.  I already had one for breakfast and I plan to have one this afternoon.   Hell, it's my birthday!  I'll eat cupcakes all day if I want!

I don't lie about my age. I know you've all heard this before but age is just a number.  All that matters is how old you feel.

• When I draw and color with my son, I'm 7 years old.
• When I play dolls with my daughter, I'm 8.
• When I look at my kids' baby pictures, I'm back in my early 30s when they were tiny.
• When I give my brother advice, or ask him to give me some, we're back in the Bronx sharing a room.
• When I recently phoned my childhood friend while she was in the hospital, I was instantly transported back to 8th grade when I talked to her on the phone while she was in the hospital back then.
• When I go out drinking with my friends (rarely, but it happens), I'm 27. Twenty-seven, by the way, is the perfect age for this activity because that means I am of legal drinking age but smart enough to know how not to make myself sick.
• When I hear about my daughter getting picked on in school, I feel like going to school and giving the little brat a swirly, which would make me about 12 years old or so.  I'll try to refrain from doing that.

Admittedly, sometimes I feel older than I actually am.

• When I had a few minor surgeries.
• When a doctor visit results in "Yeah, we're going to want to check that out."
• When my muscles are achy from "over-exerting myself" which is something old people say after they've done any sort of physical activity.
• When I say things like "when I was your age".

But mostly I feel younger than my 39 years, and that's what really matters.  I'll never lie about my age.

Of course, if someone ever mistakes me for older than I am,  I'll lose it and go into a crazy, chocolate and wine fueled depression spiral but that's to be expected.

I'll enjoy my birthday, and you should all enjoy yours when it's your turn!

One Sweet Leads To Another

Before I begin, I should let you know that there are no recipes in this post. There will be pictures and descriptions of lovely treats and a lot of talk about why I make 'em but if you are looking for recipes... read no further.  Not that I don't want to share - just not what this one is about.

I love to bake.  I love to make cookies, cupcakes, candy, etc. I don't go in for all the fancy schmancy details that make for the beautiful pastries you see on the Food Network.  I lack the patience and fine motor skills for that.  When I try it, I usually end up with a barely passable, but still exceedingly delicious version of what the pros deliver.

However, that doesn't keep me from making all manner of sweets.  I'm not one for false modesty and they are usually pretty fantastic. I am also the first to criticize if they are not.  But usually, if I'm making a cupcake, I want it to be epic. For example, my latest endeavor was a cookie dough cupcake that had a chocolate chip cookie base, chocolate ganache filling, buttery chocolate chip cake, a thin layer of ganache icing and a PILE of cookie dough frosting made with Biscoff spread. Yeah.  There was a LOT going on there and it was all good!

I have found, particularly this time of year, my treat making gets out of control. It's a bit because it's winter time.  It's a bit because of the holidays. It's a bit because we do a lot of entertaining  It's a bit because I have a crazy sweet tooth but it's a lot because one thing leads to another.

For example. We had a party in early December for which I made shots of Cherry Mousse in Chocolate Cups. To make cherry mousse I needed confectioners sugar and unflavored gelatin among other things.  Weeks passed, holiday baking/candy making ensued and a lot of cookies, fudge and other assorted tasties were churned out. Festive containers filled the kitchen. There was nothing else I needed to do in preparation for the holidays. NOTHING!

Well, except, I had that pesky unflavored gelatin and confectioner's sugar in the house just sitting in the cabinet doing nothing. Seemed an awful waste. Those ingredients were calling my name.

"JT!  We are confectioner's sugar and gelatin!  Alone, we are two simple ingredients but TOGETHER, we can be so much more! A little of this and a little of that and you've got MARSHMALLOWS!  C'mon!  Give us a try! You KNOW you've always wanted to make marshmallows. You'd could have us in the pan in no time!"

And then there were Marshmallows.  And they were awesome!

Side bar:  If you want to amaze and astound your family and friends, make marshmallows. As long as you know how to read a candy thermometer, they are a cinch.  A sticky messy cinch but a cinch nonetheless and I had dozens of people say "I didn't know you could MAKE marshmallows!" and "These are just like marshmallows but BETTER."

A week or so later, I was poking around on the evil time-sucker known as Pinterest and I was reminded that I had wanted to try 3 ingredient Nutella cookies. Again, the holidays had yet to happen.  There was no shortage of goodies in the house. There was NOTHING I needed to do. But again, those three ingredients were in the cupboard whispering to me.

"So simple.  Nutella, flour and egg.  A quick whizz in the mixer and 8 short minutes in the oven.  Couldn't be easier!"

A half hour later, there were Nutella cookies. They were super easy too. (No pic of the Nutella cookies at this point because this was not their final destiny.. read on for the rest of their story.)

As I mentioned earlier, I'm not good with the fine details of cookies and cakes that are supposed to make them look extra pretty. I prefer adjectives like "rustic" and "hand-crafted". But I decided to try my hand at these cutie-pie peanut butter reindeer cookies.

They tasted great but the assembly sucked. I had to work so quickly while they were hot and the antlers didn't stay on for sh*t.  Also, I underestimated how many chocolate covered pretzels I needed and ended up making "Max" (from the Grinch) cookies.  I'm often asked why I don't do this professionally.  This is one of the reasons why. I don't do well planning this type of stuff out and nobody would be pleased to pay for my improvisations.

Max (The Grinch) Cookies.  The result of my poor ingredient estimations.

If you are familiar with the expression "You eat with your eyes." you may be able to guess that these weren't the most popular item on the dessert table. By the time Christmas rolled around most of these guys had one or less antlers and little smudges of chocolate all over them.  They looked like they'd been rolled down a muddy hill.  I had a lot of delicious but mutilated peanut butter reindeer left after Christmas so I heard the call of ingredients again.

"Here we are in the cupboard.  Just a handy dandy bag of peanut butter chips.  Just melt us up, rip off their eyes, nose and whatever antlers remain and drop those little deer in a scalding hot pool of delicious peanut butter coating!"

Reading this over, I am growing concerned for my mental well-being. Apparently, food talks to me and tells me to hurt innocent cookies.

A normal person would've just thrown out the leftover reindeer-fail. Christmas was over. I didn't need to make more cookies.  But I am far from normal.  Half hour later, I had these.

Yes.  These were very delicious.

My husband is the first person to yell at me for making him fat.  He can walk away from the candies but has no will-power for cookies or cupcakes. They are usually in the house for a day or two before he says "Get these the hell out of here!". Then I bring them to work to the delight/chagrin of my co-workers.  Alas, at this time we were on holiday break so these babies weren't going anywhere.  My husband ate them and said, "Those peanut butter cookies are awesome. You should coat the Nutella cookies in Nutella coating."

"What?!?!   Is that a challenge!??!  Are you insulting the existing cookies?!?! How dare you, sir!  I'll show you!"

Ta-da!  Nutella Dipped Cookies!

Nutella Dipped Cookies

As if that weren't enough, I found myself with some leftover coating.  I certainly couldn't let that go to waste.  Could I?

I glanced at the counter that was still laden with Peanut Butter Pretzel Fudge, Chocolate Caramel Pretzel Rods, Oreo Bark, Chocolate Truffles, Chocolate Crackle Cookies, Pistachio Brittle, Hand-Cut Marshmallows, Peanut Butter Coated Cookies and now, Nutella Dipped Cookies.  I believe the counter may have been buckling under the weight, much like the floor beneath my families' feet will be if we keep eating like this. Yes, I glanced at that abundance, then glanced at the garbage pail that I could so easily scrape the leftover coating into... and proceeded to make Nutella Fudge.

Nutella Fudge

This madness has to end. Seriously!  Is there a 12-step program for this? Over-bakers Anonymous?

Anyone who visits us or gets a visit from us in the next two weeks is going to be going to get a care package. January 1st and resolutions are looming. So, if this post made you hungry, and before the diet starts, invite me over!

Hell-R-Us

I can't believe I've made it this far into my career as a mommy without blogging about Toys-R-Us or "Hell-R-Us" as I dubbed it many moons ago.

It's not all that bad.  At least I don't think so.  A toy store can't be inherently evil, can it? If it hasn't been done already somebody could make a boatload of a cash with that horror movie plot.  I expect residuals.

Anyway, I really have never been able to put my finger on why I hate going there.  Maybe it's because, as a toy store, and the stuff my dreams were made of when I was a kid, it should be a uniquely magical experience every time I step through the front doors.  It should smell like cotton candy.  The floors should shine like glitter and I should hear angels singing on high. I guess, on some level, I resent that it's not anything like that. Maybe it's because it's just not as fun as it should be. Maybe it's because I'm ultimately selfish and I'm when I am there, I'm not shopping for myself.

But honestly, I don't think it's any of those things.

I think it's that I pride myself on being an efficient and effective shopper and Hell-R-Us is just a huge TIME SUCK.  I walk in there with a purpose and either walk out 3 hours later empty-handed or having spent $3,000 when I was planning to buy batteries.  Somehow I lose time and not in the good "I had waaaay too much fun last night" way.

I also think it's that the service isn't great. It's not exactly bad, just not great. There are many little things that simply don't add up to spectacular customer service. I went in earlier today to return a gift with a gift receipt. The young lady behind the counter told me to go find the replacement and come back. To make a long story short, the gift reciept wasn't for that item and the item wasn't even purchased there.  Not her fault.  Either it was totally my fault for mixing up receipts or the person who gave us the gift gave us the wrong receipt  but either way, she could've saved me endless wandering and searching if she'd simply checked the item when I walked in the door. 

Everyone is always eager to help me when I'm in there, which is wonderful. However, none of the employees seems to know much more about the store or any of the products therein than I do.  This is what happened today:

• Eager Employee: "Hello, miss can I help you?"
• Me: "Yes, please.  I'm looking for Thunder Tumblers."
• Eager Employee: "Oh, sure! I've actually never heard of them but I'd be happy to wander the aisles aimlessly with you and search.  Also, I've never used a computer so I couldn't possibly check to see if we have now or ever carried such a product."  (I am paraphrasing but you get the gist.)

That's pretty much how all of my interactions with Hell-R-Us employees seem to go.  Here is one from last year.

• Me: "Can you help me?  I'm looking for Lite Sprites."
• Eager Employee: "Oh, do you mean Light Bright?"
• Me: "No.  I used to have a Light Bright when I was a kid.  Not Light Bright.  Lite Sprites.  They are light up fairy dolls."
• Eager Employee: "Yeah.  No.  I've never heard of them.  I don't think we carry them."
• Me: "You do.  I checked the website.  I just can't find them in the store."
• Eager Employee: "Ok, hang on." (picks up the phone to call someone)
  "Hi.  I have a customer here looking for Lite Sprites... no, not Light Bright... Lite Sprites... uh-huh... ok." (hangs up)
  "She says they are by the bikes."
• Me: "I don't think that is right.  They aren't a bike accessory."
• Eager Employee:  "Yeah, I know, weird.  Let's go look by the bikes."

I won't bore you with the details but this went on like this for what felt like about 11 hours.  I don't remember if I bought any Lite Sprites, or Light Brights, or Bike Lights for that matter. I think I blacked out again.

So, we can agree that although the effort is there, the customer service is missing something.  (Yes. By reading I assume that you are in agreement and don't care to know otherwise.) I can't put my finger on what is missing. Is it knowledge? Is it forethought? Is it training?  What ever it is, something needs tweaking for sure. I certainly don't think I'd be any better at it.  It's tough to be an expert when there are LITERALLY a gazillion products to know. Which brings me to the next thing that makes the whole Hell-R-Us experience less-than magical for me.

It's the store layout.  There are, in fact, a gazillion products in there.  Don't argue. I counted. When I go there, I never know where to find anything.  If I'm looking for a toy from the movie "Cars," is it in the Disney section, the section with Cars or with the Fisher Price toys because that's who makes it? What if (shudder) it is an OUTDOOR Cars toy? Then where, I ask you, WHERE? One finds themselves zig-zagging all over the store. I'm usually on my lunch hour, therefore pressed-for-time, hungry and wearing heels. This makes me cranky. I could ask someone where to find said toy, but, as I've already illustrated, the employees would be eagerly wandering all over the place with me.  I don't need that kind of help.  I can wander aimlessly all by myself.  I'm quite good at it.

Plus it's hot as balls in there for no apparent reason.  Keeping the toys warm, I guess.

So, why go there?  Sometimes it's because there's a better price but, for me, that is rarely the reason. I'd rather pay a bit more online and save myself the aggravation.  Half the time the "sale" at Hell-R-Us is never what I expect it to be and I end up spending more anyway.

Sometimes going there is unavoidable.  My kids receive Gift Cards from people. Or gifts that need to be exchanged.  Stupid Geoffrey the Giraffe sends them a $3 Gift Card for their birthday. I tell my kids I'll pay them twice that as long as I don't have to go there and try to find a toy for $3 or less.  I hate that giraffe.  Spelling Geoffrey with a "G" is a douchey thing to do anyway - and if your name is Geoffrey with a "G, I'm sorry.  Not sorry I wrote it but sorry your parents suck.

Finally, sometimes, Hell-R-Us is simply the only game in town.  Amazon has an amazing selection and super-fast shipping but sometimes they don't have that very specific accessory or action figure for your child's collection and when it comes to my kids, I will endure Hell or Hell-R-Us, as the case may be, to see them smile.

Mortality

"Mortality".  Wow.  Funny title, right?  Not really.  I'm going to try to make light of a semi-serious subject but I'm feeling somber and am moderately inebriated so this post may end up in the trash.

I am having surgery next week. It's not elective or anything.  If it was, at least I'd have a flat tummy or perky boobs to look forward to.  It is totally minor and not a big deal but I'm still kind of freaking out.  It's weird for me because I'm a "tough cookie", as they say.  Who the hell came up with that anyway?   I've never had a tough cookie in my life. Stale, maybe, but tough, never.

As I was saying, it's weird for me to feel scared about this. It is so NOT a big deal. Many people have been through so much worse that it is not even funny. But, the thing is, I've never been in the hospital to do more than have my kids and going in for that is wonderful, despite the bloodbath and agony, that is. When you are going in for that, you have many things to look forward too, such as 1.) not being pregnant any more  2.) cute little pink babies  3.)  not being a ginormous bloated whale anymore, etc. It's like going in for new boobs.  There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess there's a light this time too. I get to not have something wrong with me anymore.  Yippee!  Some how it is not as much of a motivator as perky boobs or pink babies but it's something and, regardless, it's necessary.

I've never been under anestesia before. I hear good things and, frankly, I could use the rest.  However, there's that little nagging voice in the back of my stupid head saying "you know some people die, right?"  Shut up! Logically, I know that the statistics are teeny tiny and that most of those people have other health issues causing complications but, still, the voice remains. I don't think I'd care so much about not waking up if I didn't have two little people who are expecting me to come home from the hospital. When I think about that,  I realize that moms are a twisted breed. Do we really think so little of ourselves that our only reason for living is those little snot factories that can't put their underwear on properly without our assistance? Yes. Yes we do.

The other thing bugging me is that my ability to carry a child will be affected. That shouldn't bother me. I'm done having babies. My husband is very much in agreement that we are done having babies.  When I told him my concerns, he immediately asked if I planned to remarry. I told him I wanted to keep my options open.  That didn't go over too well. Of course, I'm kidding but I always thought that my ability to have kids would go the natural way of things.  Again, I am well aware that I am dually blessed with two beautiful children and that there are so many people that aren't as lucky as I am but there's that nagging voice again.  I hate that voice.  That voice is really annoying.

My point, if I even have one, is that this little stupid surgery has caused me to confront my own mortality and it sucks.  I much prefer living in la la land where everything is good and I think I'm going to live forever.  I still plan to live forever.  I am going to silence that stupid little voice or die trying.  Ha!   But, if by some million to one chance, I don't wake up from the anestesia, please take pity on my husband and offer to babysit or something.  He'll need all the help he can get.

I'm sure, in a week, I'll be wondering what I was worried about.  I'm sure the anestesia will nothing more than a really good nap and I'll be feeling right as rain in no time.  Hey, maybe I'll check back in for new boobs one of these days after all.