I Don't Get Carded Anymore and That's Great!

I don't get get carded anymore. Even though I'm told I have a baby-face (mostly by my biased parents) I haven't gotten carded in a long time. It used to bother me, the same way it used to bother me when someone called me "Ma'am" instead of "Miss".

I work on a college campus and it's been about 5 years since anyone has confused me for a student or intern and, even then, it didn't happen often.

I used to wish it did. I don't anymore, just like I don't hope to get carded anymore. At age 40.75, I think I've finally figured something out.

The reason I don't get carded or mistaken for a student, isn't because I look old. At least, I don't think I look old. Not as though 40 is old, anyway. I look good for my age.

I dress my age. By that, I don't mean I wear elastic waist pants, matching twinsets and penny loafers. I consider myself extremely stylish, but not trendy. I take pride in my appearance, because I want to, not because I'm trying to be something I'm not. Today, as I rock my blue color block dress and t-strap heels, I know that "stylishness" isn't just for the twenty-somethings.

I know how to wear makeup. Just the right amount. I've had decades of practice by now.

I don't have "mom" hair. As a matter of fact, I love color and change my color often. Currently, my hair is auburn and purple. It's not purple in a way that says "I'm trying to find myself." It's purple in a way that says "I know exactly who I am and who I am likes having purple hair."

So with my purple hair and stylish clothes, why don't I get carded?

About six-years ago on the college campus where I work, I was talking with two female students and a male colleague, a few years my junior. He had frequently been mistaken for a student where I was rarely, even at the tender age of 34. He argued that I could easily be confused with a student. Flattery will get you everywhere! During this conversation, the two female students mistook him for a classmate. I eyed him wryly and said "You see." and he asked the girls if they thought I was a student as well. They promptly replied "No." then added, because she doesn't seem like a student. She just seems more mature." Well said, ladies.

This is why I don't get carded.

• Because I order a drink with confidence no twenty-something can fake.
• Because I make myself known in the workplace in a way that took me a decade to be able to do.
• Because I don't know everything. When I was in my twenties I thought I did. Now, I know I don't but WHAT I DO KNOW, I know well.
• Because I know what I'm good at and what I'm not.
• Because I'm mature enough to know that I need to learn and grow.
• Because I know growth is a good thing.
• Because I know what I want and I'm not afraid to go for it.

So, don't card me. Call me ma'am. I don't care anymore! Because 40-something is a state of mind. A state of being. A unique confidence that was elusive to me in my twenties.

My forties. I'm finally starting to see what all the fuss is about.

Bring it on.

Super Nerdy Amazon Alexa To Google Calendar Hack and My Wish-list For Amazon

I like my Amazon Echo. Note the use of the word LIKE not LOVE. I feel it was worth the "$99 Prime" price I paid for it but certainly not the $199 "Rest of You Heathens" price. The truth is, I can imagine the potential for greatness and that gets the nerd in me all kinds of jazzed.

I had a big geeky "O" the moment they announced integration with IFTTT. If you aren't familiar, IFTTT is a super cool logic connecter for many of the web apps you love. Stands for "IF This Then That". I use it to do loads of neat things like back up iOS photos to a Google Drive folder, add Foursquare check-ins to my calendar, etc.

Imagine my excitement when I thought I could use it to get some more out of little Alexa here!

Alas, the integration is lackluster, so far. It can send a notification to my iPhone when an item is added to my To-Do list, which is not all that useful as I am primarily the person adding items and I know I added an item and, therefore, don't need a notification to tell me that. It can push To-Do's and Shopping List items to other To-Do applications like Todoist, Wunderlist or Remember The Milk which can be nice, especially if you are already in love with those other list apps.

But I was really longing for to have Alexa add items to my calendar with DATE, TIME and LOCATION set.

I have successfully accomplished this with a complex daisy-chain of tools working together. I'm happy to share my hack with you but, be fore-warned, it ain't pretty!

You will need:

1. Amazon Echo (Duh!)
2. IFTTT account
3. Zapier account
4. Google account (Seriously, it's GOOGLE. I'm not linking to it for you!)
5. Patience
6. Some level of technical expertise
7. A good sense of humor

Step 1:

Login to your IFTTT account and create the following recipe. You will need to be sure your Amazon Alexa and Google Drive channels are connected already, but I'm not going to tell you how to do that. Figure it out! This is that technical expertise I said you needed earlier.

Basically, you want IFTT to add a row to a spreadsheet of your choosing when you create a TO DO. At this point you might be wondering if you're going to end up with random calendar items that read things like "Buy Socks" and "Clean Toilet".  The answer is "No". That will be handled by a combination of Zapier and the way you phrase your request.

Step 2:

Create a spreadsheet in Google Drive in the exact same location with the exact same name as you told IFTTT to use. If it's not exact, wackiness will ensue and you'll need loads of that patience I mentioned earlier.

Step 3:

Login to your Zapier account and create the following zap. You will need to be sure your Google Sheets and Google Calendar Accounts are connected already. Again, this is your problem.

Create a Zap that triggers when a new spreadsheet row is added. The action will be to Quick Add a calendar event. Why Quick Add and not Detailed? Quick Add will parse the text and pick out the DATE, TIME and LOCATION, assuming you said it right and Alexa heard you right, which is, frankly, assuming a lot.

You are going to want to filter the Zaps so you don't end up with calendar events that say "Buy Socks" and "Clean Toilet". The filter should look for the text to contain the word "o'clock". Which mean you're going to have to remember to format your speech to Alexa. More on that later.

Here's what the filter looks like.

Important Note: If you skipped Step 2 and didn't create the spreadsheet already, shame on you. Zapier can't find it and you're going to have to start over creating your Zap. That's what you get for not following instructions.

Step 4:

Once your IFTTT recipe and your Zap are completed, you're ready to test drive your formulas. This is where you will require the patience and the sense of humor I spoke about.

You need to speak very carefully to Alexa to get this right. If you don't say exactly the right words, slowly and carefully, but not too slowly or she will think you are done before you are done, you will end up with a lot of non-sense like you see below. Remember that sense of humor I mentioned earlier? You'll need that now.

I guess MOVIES sounds a lot like BOOBIES

You must say your event in this format:

"Alexa, Add [event][full time format] at [location] to my To Do List"

RIGHT WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES SEVEN O'CLOCK PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."

WRONG WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES at SEVEN O'CLOCK PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."
  Your location will be seven o'clock PM and the event start time will be the time it was added to the calendar. 

WRONG WAY:

• "Alexa, Add MOVIES at SEVEN PM at OVERLOOK DRIVE-IN to my To Do List."
  Your zap won't trigger because it's looking for the word "o'clock". I tried to make it work with a. m. OR p. m. as the filter word but it just wasn't happening. Let me know if you make it work.

___________________________

An Open Letter To Amazon:

Seriously!?! That was a sh*t-ton of work to get something as basic as scheduling a calendar event to work with something that is meant to be a digital assistant. If a dork like me could rig this up, it should take about the same time as a Starbucks run for the crack team you've got to work it. So, while there at it, here's my the rest of my wish-list. Can I have this stuff?! PLEEEEAAASE! Pretty Please! I really LIKE (like not LOVE) Alexa and I want to LOVE her. I really, really do. You can do it! I believe it you.

My Wish-list for Amazon Echo: 

1. More than one timer.  Like FOR REALZ?!?!
2. More than one alarm. See above.
1. If she's not going to have more than one timer or alarm, she should at least tell me if she's canceling my previous one. Right now if one of my kids says,  "Alexa, set a timer for 20 minutes." because they're timing reading homework and my husband is comes in and says,"Alexa, set a timer for 10 minutes." because he needs to time what's on the grill, that digital slut just dumps the previous timer and sets the new one with no warning or concern for the previous person's needs.
3. Calendar Events so I don't have to do stuff like this anymore. 
4. Reminders that actually remind me to do stuff. I know I can set an alarm but then I have remember what Alexa is beeping about. And I know I can put it on my To Do list but then I have to remember to check my To Do list. I want to say "Alexa, remind me to take out the trash on Sunday at 8 PM" and then on Sunday, at 8 PM, I want her to say "JT, it's time to take out trash." not "Beep, Beep, Beep". Even the "Beep, Beep, Beep" assumes nobody else set an alarm between when I asked and Sunday at 8 PM (see above).
5.  iTunes Library Connection. I've spent a long time building this library and I want to use it and not just as a Bluetooth speaker.
6. Phone Calls. If my Kia can connect to my contacts, dial a number and act as a bluetooth mic and speaker, I'm sure Alexa could do it.
7. Alerts. Why can't she tell me if I get a text? One of the main reasons I wanted this is because once I'm home my phone is secondary. It's in my purse or on silent or in another room. It shouldn't be too difficult to say "JT, you have a text from your brother. It reads..."
8. Post To Facebook. How can I possibly survive the hour I'm cooking and eating dinner without telling the world that I'm having some nachos that are seriously Amaze-balls?! Okay, this is less important.

See Amazon. It's a tiny list of demands desires. Your guys and gals can bang this out over lunch, right? Just please don't make me purchase new hardware to do it. I mean, I'll probably do it, but I'll be pissed.

One Sweet Leads To Another

Before I begin, I should let you know that there are no recipes in this post. There will be pictures and descriptions of lovely treats and a lot of talk about why I make 'em but if you are looking for recipes... read no further.  Not that I don't want to share - just not what this one is about.

I love to bake.  I love to make cookies, cupcakes, candy, etc. I don't go in for all the fancy schmancy details that make for the beautiful pastries you see on the Food Network.  I lack the patience and fine motor skills for that.  When I try it, I usually end up with a barely passable, but still exceedingly delicious version of what the pros deliver.

However, that doesn't keep me from making all manner of sweets.  I'm not one for false modesty and they are usually pretty fantastic. I am also the first to criticize if they are not.  But usually, if I'm making a cupcake, I want it to be epic. For example, my latest endeavor was a cookie dough cupcake that had a chocolate chip cookie base, chocolate ganache filling, buttery chocolate chip cake, a thin layer of ganache icing and a PILE of cookie dough frosting made with Biscoff spread. Yeah.  There was a LOT going on there and it was all good!

I have found, particularly this time of year, my treat making gets out of control. It's a bit because it's winter time.  It's a bit because of the holidays. It's a bit because we do a lot of entertaining  It's a bit because I have a crazy sweet tooth but it's a lot because one thing leads to another.

For example. We had a party in early December for which I made shots of Cherry Mousse in Chocolate Cups. To make cherry mousse I needed confectioners sugar and unflavored gelatin among other things.  Weeks passed, holiday baking/candy making ensued and a lot of cookies, fudge and other assorted tasties were churned out. Festive containers filled the kitchen. There was nothing else I needed to do in preparation for the holidays. NOTHING!

Well, except, I had that pesky unflavored gelatin and confectioner's sugar in the house just sitting in the cabinet doing nothing. Seemed an awful waste. Those ingredients were calling my name.

"JT!  We are confectioner's sugar and gelatin!  Alone, we are two simple ingredients but TOGETHER, we can be so much more! A little of this and a little of that and you've got MARSHMALLOWS!  C'mon!  Give us a try! You KNOW you've always wanted to make marshmallows. You'd could have us in the pan in no time!"

And then there were Marshmallows.  And they were awesome!

Side bar:  If you want to amaze and astound your family and friends, make marshmallows. As long as you know how to read a candy thermometer, they are a cinch.  A sticky messy cinch but a cinch nonetheless and I had dozens of people say "I didn't know you could MAKE marshmallows!" and "These are just like marshmallows but BETTER."

A week or so later, I was poking around on the evil time-sucker known as Pinterest and I was reminded that I had wanted to try 3 ingredient Nutella cookies. Again, the holidays had yet to happen.  There was no shortage of goodies in the house. There was NOTHING I needed to do. But again, those three ingredients were in the cupboard whispering to me.

"So simple.  Nutella, flour and egg.  A quick whizz in the mixer and 8 short minutes in the oven.  Couldn't be easier!"

A half hour later, there were Nutella cookies. They were super easy too. (No pic of the Nutella cookies at this point because this was not their final destiny.. read on for the rest of their story.)

As I mentioned earlier, I'm not good with the fine details of cookies and cakes that are supposed to make them look extra pretty. I prefer adjectives like "rustic" and "hand-crafted". But I decided to try my hand at these cutie-pie peanut butter reindeer cookies.

They tasted great but the assembly sucked. I had to work so quickly while they were hot and the antlers didn't stay on for sh*t.  Also, I underestimated how many chocolate covered pretzels I needed and ended up making "Max" (from the Grinch) cookies.  I'm often asked why I don't do this professionally.  This is one of the reasons why. I don't do well planning this type of stuff out and nobody would be pleased to pay for my improvisations.

Max (The Grinch) Cookies.  The result of my poor ingredient estimations.

If you are familiar with the expression "You eat with your eyes." you may be able to guess that these weren't the most popular item on the dessert table. By the time Christmas rolled around most of these guys had one or less antlers and little smudges of chocolate all over them.  They looked like they'd been rolled down a muddy hill.  I had a lot of delicious but mutilated peanut butter reindeer left after Christmas so I heard the call of ingredients again.

"Here we are in the cupboard.  Just a handy dandy bag of peanut butter chips.  Just melt us up, rip off their eyes, nose and whatever antlers remain and drop those little deer in a scalding hot pool of delicious peanut butter coating!"

Reading this over, I am growing concerned for my mental well-being. Apparently, food talks to me and tells me to hurt innocent cookies.

A normal person would've just thrown out the leftover reindeer-fail. Christmas was over. I didn't need to make more cookies.  But I am far from normal.  Half hour later, I had these.

Yes.  These were very delicious.

My husband is the first person to yell at me for making him fat.  He can walk away from the candies but has no will-power for cookies or cupcakes. They are usually in the house for a day or two before he says "Get these the hell out of here!". Then I bring them to work to the delight/chagrin of my co-workers.  Alas, at this time we were on holiday break so these babies weren't going anywhere.  My husband ate them and said, "Those peanut butter cookies are awesome. You should coat the Nutella cookies in Nutella coating."

"What?!?!   Is that a challenge!??!  Are you insulting the existing cookies?!?! How dare you, sir!  I'll show you!"

Ta-da!  Nutella Dipped Cookies!

Nutella Dipped Cookies

As if that weren't enough, I found myself with some leftover coating.  I certainly couldn't let that go to waste.  Could I?

I glanced at the counter that was still laden with Peanut Butter Pretzel Fudge, Chocolate Caramel Pretzel Rods, Oreo Bark, Chocolate Truffles, Chocolate Crackle Cookies, Pistachio Brittle, Hand-Cut Marshmallows, Peanut Butter Coated Cookies and now, Nutella Dipped Cookies.  I believe the counter may have been buckling under the weight, much like the floor beneath my families' feet will be if we keep eating like this. Yes, I glanced at that abundance, then glanced at the garbage pail that I could so easily scrape the leftover coating into... and proceeded to make Nutella Fudge.

Nutella Fudge

This madness has to end. Seriously!  Is there a 12-step program for this? Over-bakers Anonymous?

Anyone who visits us or gets a visit from us in the next two weeks is going to be going to get a care package. January 1st and resolutions are looming. So, if this post made you hungry, and before the diet starts, invite me over!

Hell-R-Us

I can't believe I've made it this far into my career as a mommy without blogging about Toys-R-Us or "Hell-R-Us" as I dubbed it many moons ago.

It's not all that bad.  At least I don't think so.  A toy store can't be inherently evil, can it? If it hasn't been done already somebody could make a boatload of a cash with that horror movie plot.  I expect residuals.

Anyway, I really have never been able to put my finger on why I hate going there.  Maybe it's because, as a toy store, and the stuff my dreams were made of when I was a kid, it should be a uniquely magical experience every time I step through the front doors.  It should smell like cotton candy.  The floors should shine like glitter and I should hear angels singing on high. I guess, on some level, I resent that it's not anything like that. Maybe it's because it's just not as fun as it should be. Maybe it's because I'm ultimately selfish and I'm when I am there, I'm not shopping for myself.

But honestly, I don't think it's any of those things.

I think it's that I pride myself on being an efficient and effective shopper and Hell-R-Us is just a huge TIME SUCK.  I walk in there with a purpose and either walk out 3 hours later empty-handed or having spent $3,000 when I was planning to buy batteries.  Somehow I lose time and not in the good "I had waaaay too much fun last night" way.

I also think it's that the service isn't great. It's not exactly bad, just not great. There are many little things that simply don't add up to spectacular customer service. I went in earlier today to return a gift with a gift receipt. The young lady behind the counter told me to go find the replacement and come back. To make a long story short, the gift reciept wasn't for that item and the item wasn't even purchased there.  Not her fault.  Either it was totally my fault for mixing up receipts or the person who gave us the gift gave us the wrong receipt  but either way, she could've saved me endless wandering and searching if she'd simply checked the item when I walked in the door. 

Everyone is always eager to help me when I'm in there, which is wonderful. However, none of the employees seems to know much more about the store or any of the products therein than I do.  This is what happened today:

• Eager Employee: "Hello, miss can I help you?"
• Me: "Yes, please.  I'm looking for Thunder Tumblers."
• Eager Employee: "Oh, sure! I've actually never heard of them but I'd be happy to wander the aisles aimlessly with you and search.  Also, I've never used a computer so I couldn't possibly check to see if we have now or ever carried such a product."  (I am paraphrasing but you get the gist.)

That's pretty much how all of my interactions with Hell-R-Us employees seem to go.  Here is one from last year.

• Me: "Can you help me?  I'm looking for Lite Sprites."
• Eager Employee: "Oh, do you mean Light Bright?"
• Me: "No.  I used to have a Light Bright when I was a kid.  Not Light Bright.  Lite Sprites.  They are light up fairy dolls."
• Eager Employee: "Yeah.  No.  I've never heard of them.  I don't think we carry them."
• Me: "You do.  I checked the website.  I just can't find them in the store."
• Eager Employee: "Ok, hang on." (picks up the phone to call someone)
  "Hi.  I have a customer here looking for Lite Sprites... no, not Light Bright... Lite Sprites... uh-huh... ok." (hangs up)
  "She says they are by the bikes."
• Me: "I don't think that is right.  They aren't a bike accessory."
• Eager Employee:  "Yeah, I know, weird.  Let's go look by the bikes."

I won't bore you with the details but this went on like this for what felt like about 11 hours.  I don't remember if I bought any Lite Sprites, or Light Brights, or Bike Lights for that matter. I think I blacked out again.

So, we can agree that although the effort is there, the customer service is missing something.  (Yes. By reading I assume that you are in agreement and don't care to know otherwise.) I can't put my finger on what is missing. Is it knowledge? Is it forethought? Is it training?  What ever it is, something needs tweaking for sure. I certainly don't think I'd be any better at it.  It's tough to be an expert when there are LITERALLY a gazillion products to know. Which brings me to the next thing that makes the whole Hell-R-Us experience less-than magical for me.

It's the store layout.  There are, in fact, a gazillion products in there.  Don't argue. I counted. When I go there, I never know where to find anything.  If I'm looking for a toy from the movie "Cars," is it in the Disney section, the section with Cars or with the Fisher Price toys because that's who makes it? What if (shudder) it is an OUTDOOR Cars toy? Then where, I ask you, WHERE? One finds themselves zig-zagging all over the store. I'm usually on my lunch hour, therefore pressed-for-time, hungry and wearing heels. This makes me cranky. I could ask someone where to find said toy, but, as I've already illustrated, the employees would be eagerly wandering all over the place with me.  I don't need that kind of help.  I can wander aimlessly all by myself.  I'm quite good at it.

Plus it's hot as balls in there for no apparent reason.  Keeping the toys warm, I guess.

So, why go there?  Sometimes it's because there's a better price but, for me, that is rarely the reason. I'd rather pay a bit more online and save myself the aggravation.  Half the time the "sale" at Hell-R-Us is never what I expect it to be and I end up spending more anyway.

Sometimes going there is unavoidable.  My kids receive Gift Cards from people. Or gifts that need to be exchanged.  Stupid Geoffrey the Giraffe sends them a $3 Gift Card for their birthday. I tell my kids I'll pay them twice that as long as I don't have to go there and try to find a toy for $3 or less.  I hate that giraffe.  Spelling Geoffrey with a "G" is a douchey thing to do anyway - and if your name is Geoffrey with a "G, I'm sorry.  Not sorry I wrote it but sorry your parents suck.

Finally, sometimes, Hell-R-Us is simply the only game in town.  Amazon has an amazing selection and super-fast shipping but sometimes they don't have that very specific accessory or action figure for your child's collection and when it comes to my kids, I will endure Hell or Hell-R-Us, as the case may be, to see them smile.

Spa Fail

On a lovely spring day, four ladies set out for a Spa Day at the beautiful Mohonk Mountain House in the Shawgunk Mountains of New Paltz, NY. All checked in to the spa, they decided to explore. They didn't think to take their phones, they didn’t pack water, they kept on their flip-flops and set out with no plan and tissues, lip gloss and a thermos of Mimosas in their arsenal. They intended to take a quick walk around the grounds. They were wrong.

Yes.  I was one of these four knuckleheads and lived to tell the tale.  Our intended stroll turned into three hours of wandering somewhat aimlessly through the greater Mohonk preserve without the first clue of how to get back where we started from.  There was panic.  There was hunger.  There was thirst.  There was talk of who would get eaten first if it came down to it.  It wasn't pretty.

Once we found our way back from the brink of death, we picked up a map. Of course now we are aware that a map would've been useful BEFORE getting lost in the woods for three hours but clearly that thought never crossed our pretty little minds as we stepped out into the world.  What do you want?  We are cute. Do we have to be smart too?!  Geez.  You want everything!

Anyway, having examined the map, I was able to suss out exactly where we went wrong (over and over again) and I made a poster out of it to commemorate this horrific event with some of my dearest friends.

You can click this image for the full map but I'm going to break it down for you right here in the blog.  By the way, you are welcome, in advance, for how smart you are going to feel after you read this.

First is our intended path.  This is what we set out to do.

But that is not what we did.  No.  As it turns out, we set out on the wrong path almost from the get go.  Unaware that we were already on "leg 1" of the walk of fail, we stopped to toast our awesome girl's day out with the mimosas I was toting along.  Also, blissfully unaware that it is against the rules to have alcohol on the hiking trails.  That's another tidbit I learned from the map I picked up afterward.

After walking a bit further, my friend Tami thought we should turn around.   We all still thought we were on a path that would loop back toward the main house.  We ventured on.

We had set out on our walk at 11:00.  It was probably about 11:45 when Nancy's stomach growling began startling small forrest creatures.  She tried to bribe Tami for the cheese she had packed but, sadly, Tami left it in her spa locker along with anything else that might have been useful.

We were starting to feel lost when we came upon a map of sorts at Rhododendron Bridge.  It didn't say anything about the Mountain House but it mentioned a Trapps Visitor's Center.   We had never heard of it but figured a visitor's center meant people who could potentially help us.  My friend Jean thought that would take us away from where we needed to go.

This is the actual sign at Rhododendron Bridge.

Now on "leg 2" of the walk of fail, I tried to break the mounting tension as I offered to allow everyone to eat me if I died first.  The didn't object much at all.

Before my friends could take me up on my generous offer, a jogger appeared wearing a Mohonk Preserve tag.  She shook her head at us guessing that we came from the mountain house and were way lost based solely on our lack of appropriate foot wear or gear of any type.  Who does she think she is?!?! Nancy thought the jogger "saved us".  Looking at the map, I think she might have said "Hey, why don't you walk another 400 yards to the Visitor's center and see if someone can give you a ride back?" Or even "Come with me, I will help you!"  Not exactly the heroine of the day in my opinion.

Following the joggers instructions, we headed wearily back to Rhododendron Bridge which I have dubbed "leg 3" of our walk of fail.  We reached the bridge and headed in the direction she indicated.  Her vague instructions said that the road would be "uphill" so when we came to yet another fork, we took the uphill fork.  Wrong again.

On "leg 4" of the walk of fail, which is by far my LEAST favorite part of this journey, we were on some unnamed service road in the blazing heat.  It was at this point that we began yelling for any nearby help. Tami employed her super loud whistling skills and got a bird to respond but nobody else.   Nancy declared that we were turning back!

Little did we know that we weren't far from a more direct path back to the mountain house but with the decisions we'd been making so far, we probably wouldn't have taken that turn anyway.

Finally, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  We could actually SEE the resort!  We had been avoiding drinking any more mimosas for fear of dehydration.  We were so relieved we took a much deserved break to quench our thirst.  It tasted like heaven.

We finally reached the dining room for our complimentary spa lunch at just about 2:00.   We burst in like the desperate lunatics we are begging for water and a phone so we could postpone our spa appointments to 3:30.

At last!  With our thirsts were quenched, our appointments were moved and our food on the way we were able to laugh about our excursion... well, a little bit anyway.    We realized that nobody would really feel bad for four dummies who set out unprepared and didn't even miss a meal.

It is true. We are dumb - dumb -dumb but would it kill someone to put an arrow on the bridge sign saying “HEY LOST KNUCKLEHEADS - MOHONK MOUNTAIN HOUSE IS BACK THAT WAY!” and signs on the trails saying “YOU ARE NOW LEAVING MOHONK RESORT PROPERTY AND ENTERING THE MOHONK PRESERVE WHICH IS VERY LARGE AND YOU PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO DO IF YOU ARE WEARING FLIP-FLOPS AND ONLY EQUIPPED WITH LIP GLOSS, TISSUES AND MIMOSAS!”

Sidebar:
More useful things we found on the map when we got back.

The Juggling Act

As a parent, I spend most waking moments attempting anticipate and meet all the needs of my tiny overlords. Typically, I pride myself on being a exceptional toadie; breakfast ready before their highnesses awake, clothes laid out in the morning, each meal served with a generous helping of ketchup. But, as it turns out, I am human. I have quite a lot of balls in the air. Some are rubber, some are glass. It's inevitable that I'm going to drop one and I only hope, that when I do, it's not a breakable one.

I dropped one earlier this week and I didn't even know it until the next morning when my daughter told me that I forgot to pack her a snack for a library visit with Grandma. Mom FAIL. Technically, I just didn't pack a drink because there was still a box of cheese crackers in the bag. When my daughter told me about it, it seemed innocuous enough. She said "Yesterday, you forgot to pack my snack for the library so Grandma took me to A&P and got me a juice box and fruit snacks!" The way she relayed it, it sounded like it was an adventure. Seemed like a rubber ball. Phew.

The rest of the day was fun-filled. We put up some Christmas decorations, I did some baking, we went to the diner for dinner and the kids sampled the treats I made. About 10 minutes after they were snug in their beds, I heard my daughter calling me. I went in her room and she was sitting up looking like she was about to cry. When I asked what was wrong she said, in the most heart-breaking voice imaginable:

"Will you give me anything AT ALL to eat tomorrow?!"


Freeze. Isolate this moment. If anyone saw or heard just this phrase and how it was delivered, they would think that I had her locked in her room all day with some stale bread and water. This is a kid fresh off a huge dinner of diner grilled cheese, fries and juice followed by handmade chocolates from mom's kitchen! Not some orphan from a Dickens story!!!!

She began to cry and it took me about 15 minutes to calm her down. The impetus for her crying fit was the fact that I forgot her snack the day before. I think, in her busy little brain, she started thinking that maybe it wasn't an accident, after all. Maybe I didn't give it to her on purpose and she was heart-broken at the thought that her evil-witch-of-a-mother withheld her snack in some kind of punishment attempt.

So much for a rubber ball. Hopefully this glass one is only cracked. However, I have a feeling that won't be the last I hear about "the forgotten snack heard 'round the world". About a year from now, we'll go to a library and she'll say, "Hey! Remember the time you forgot my snack and I cried and cried and cried."

It just goes to show how fragile their tiny little psyches can be and makes me fearful for the times that I'm NOT on my best mom behavior and say things like "Why would you do something that dumb?!" and "If you don't listen to me right now you're going to be in time-out forever!".

I must say, the crying fit was a brilliant move on her part. I can almost guarantee I won't forget her snack again. EVER! Way to whip mom into shape!

Tiny Overlord "1" --- Toadie Mom "0".